Sleep training for babies and toddlers - getting children to fall asleep in their own bed

Benefits of sleep training for children

Helping your child to sleep better has several potential benefits. Here are a few benefits of sleep training that are often highlighted:

• More coherent sleep for the child: The aim of sleep training is to help children sleep for longer periods at a time. Studies show that structured interventions can reduce the number of awakenings per night and shorten the time it takes for the child to fall asleep. A child who is able to fall back asleep on their own upon waking often has a better overall night's sleep. Sleep is important for a child's growth and development, so more undisturbed sleep can promote both mood and health.

• Rested and less stressed parents: When children sleep better, parents tend to sleep more too. Research has linked successful sleep training to lower levels of parental depression and stress. Getting back a few hours of uninterrupted sleep can make a big difference to the daily lives of parents of young children. Better sleep also boosts energy and patience during the day, which favours interaction with your child.

• The child learns to go back to sleep on its own: An important profit from sleep training is that the child gradually learns self-regulation when falling asleep. Young children sleep more soundly if they wake up in the same environment they fell asleep in. If they get used to falling asleep in their own bed without being carried to sleep, they will be less confused when they wake up at night. They will often not need to cry out for help every time they wake up, but will be able to look at a safe object (e.g. a blanket) or suck their thumb and go back to sleep. This makes for calmer nights for everyone involved.

• Clarification of procedures and security: Establishing regular bedtime routines and habits around sleep makes a child's world more predictable. Children learn through repetition and thrive on routines. A child who has a consistent evening routine - for example, bath, pyjamas, story time and a particular bedtime song - knows what to expect and feels secure at bedtime. Sleep training can help parents establish these routines. Over time, the routine signals to the child that “it's night time”, making it easier to fall asleep.

• More private time for parents: When children can fall asleep on their own in the evening, without hours of cuddling or being caged, it frees up time for parents. Many parents of young children appreciate being able to have some time in the evening to themselves - to eat dinner in peace, to socialise or just to rest - once their child has fallen asleep in bed. This is an indirect benefit, but important for the well-being of the family.

It should be emphasised that sleep training is not a must. If the family is not experiencing major problems with current sleep patterns, there is no need to change anything just for the sake of it. The benefits mainly arise if the child actually has difficulty sleeping and everyone is tired; then training can make a big difference. Research also shows that well-done sleep training has no negative long-term effects on the child's attachment or mental well-being. In other words, there is no need to feel guilty if you choose to sleep train - done in a loving and consistent way, it can be positive for both the child and the parents.

How to get children to fall asleep by themselves?

One of the most common challenges is getting children to fall asleep by themselves without being rocked, cuddled or breastfed right into sleep. Here are some practical tips and step-by-step advice to help your baby learn to fall asleep on their own:

1. Introduce a quiet evening routine: Start by having a predictable evening routine every evening. It could be a bath, putting on pyjamas, then reading a story or singing a quiet song in dim lighting. The routine should signal that it is almost time to go to sleep. Make sure your child is full, dry and tired but not overtired when you start the bedtime routine. A safe routine creates the right atmosphere for sleep.

2. Gradually reduce your help in falling asleep: Start from how you usually get your child to fall asleep today and start gradually reduce your involvement in that routine. For example, if you usually rock your baby in your arms until they fall asleep, try initially just sitting still with your baby in your arms without rocking. If you are breastfeeding to sleep, stop breastfeeding a little earlier before the baby is fully asleep. The point is to gradually get your baby used to falling asleep with less and less help. Make one small change at a time over a few nights, so that the baby has time to get used to the new level of support before you reduce it further.

3. Lay the baby down in bed, sleepy but awake: Once you have managed to reduce the helping slightly, start putting the child down awake but sleepy in their own bed in the evening. This step is at the heart of many sleep training methods. If the child protests or whines when put to bed, try to soothe at a minimal level: put a hand on the child's tummy, pat or nudge the bottom rhythmically. Avoid immediately picking up the child at the slightest noise; give them a chance to calm down for a few seconds. If your baby starts to cry upset, pick them up briefly and comfort them until they are calm (but sleepy), then put them back down. You can also try just holding a hand on the baby in bed instead of carrying it. This process may need to be repeated several times during the first few nights. The idea is that the baby will gradually accept his bed as a safe place to fall asleep.

4. Reduce your presence gradually: As the days go by and the child gets used to it, continue to cut back on aid you give. Once you are able to put your baby down awake and pat them to sleep, the next step is to try putting them down and just sitting next to them for a while without touching them, or sitting a little further away from the bed each night. Some parents choose to leave the room completely for a short time to see if the child can fall asleep on their own. If the child does not settle down and starts crying, go back in and comfort calmly with as little intervention as necessary (avoid switching on lights or starting the whole bedtime procedure again, try to continue in the same calm spirit). The aim is to find the point where the child actually falls asleep on their own - for some children it helps to stay in the room, for others it works better if the parent is not visible.

5. Handle night-time awakenings in the same way: For the child to really be able to sleep through the night It is important to manage night wakings in a consistent way. If your child wakes up in the night, try to use the same principles as at bedtime. Give the child a few seconds to fall back to sleep. If he/she starts to get upset, go over and calm him/her down with a low voice, a hand on the tummy or similar, but avoid picking him/her up every time if possible. Gradually reduce the amount of intervention with each awakening, so the child learns that the night is not for play or food, but for sleeping. Of course, if the baby is hungry (e.g. very young baby) or something is wrong (wet nappy, illness), take care of that need first. But try to make even night-time feedings as dull and dark as possible, so that the baby doesn't become alert. Then put the baby back to bed to go back to sleep in the same way as at bedtime.

It can take anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks for a child to get used to new summer routines. Be patient and try to be consistent - children learn through repetition. Some nights will go better than others, and sometimes there may be setbacks (e.g. developmental leaps or illness). This is normal, and you may need to provide extra comfort for a period and then return to the routine. Remember also that all progress counts: even if the child still wakes up at night, the periods of sleep may have become longer or the bedtime routine may be faster than before.

How to get children to sleep in their own bed?

Many toddlers prefer to fall asleep close to their parents, so how do you getting children to sleep in their own bed? Here are some tips to help you make the transition to your own sleeping space:

Introduce sleeping in your own bed during the day: One tip is to practice under less pressurised situations, for example day rests in your own bed. Try putting the baby in the crib for a nap during the day when you are alert. Stay in the room so the child feels your presence, but let them fall asleep in their bed. If it works during the day, it can build your baby's confidence for the night.

Gradual phasing out of co-sleeping: If your older child (e.g. 1-3 years old) is used to sleeping in your bed, a gradual transition work best. Start by perhaps letting the child fall asleep in their own bed while you sit next to them (this is similar to camping out-method, see below). You can sit on a chair next to the bed and stay there until the child falls asleep. The next step, after a few nights, is to move the chair a little further away towards the door, so the child gets used to less direct proximity. Eventually you can sit outside the room door. This way, you gradually phase out your physical presence without an abrupt separation. During this period, the child may wake up and come pawing at night - then gently guide them back to their bed each time, so that you are consistent with where the child is expected to sleep. Some families put a mattress on the floor of their bedroom as a stopgap; the child can then lie down there if they wake up in the night, which at least breaks the habit of sleeping in the parents' bed but still provides a sense of closeness.

Turn your bed into something positive: Talk about the child's bed in a positive way during the day - that it is the child's own sleeping place. Perhaps let the child help choose a nice duvet cover, or a cuddly toy to ”guard” the bed. For older children, a reward board can be used (small stickers for each night in their own bed, with a reward after a certain number of nights). However, avoid scolding or punishing if the child gets up in the night; just calmly lead back and praise in the morning the nights the child slept in their bed. Patience and consistency are key here too.

Different sleep methods for children (Ferber method, fading, camping out, etc.)

There are several well-established sleep practices for children that parents can try. The choice depends on the child's temperament and what you as parents feel comfortable with. Here are some of the best known methods in sleep training:

• Ferber method (controlled crying/erasure): The Ferber Method, created by paediatrician Richard Ferber, is based on teaching the child to fall asleep on their own by controlled comfort intervals. You put the baby to bed awake and leave the room, but come back at regular intervals to comfort briefly. For example, the first night you can go in after 3 minutes if the child is crying, then after 5 minutes, then every 10 minutes until the child falls asleep. The next night, increase the intervals (e.g. 5, 10, 15 minutes). The comforting should be short and gentle - you can pat the child in bed and whisper a few words, but you do not pick the child up every time. The idea is to give the child a chance to fall asleep on their own between visits, and gradually learn to fall asleep without the constant presence of the parent. The Ferber method is sometimes called ”the five-minute method” in the vernacular. Many parents find that it can produce results in a few nights, but it requires a certain amount of listening to crying (although the crying often decreases with each night).

• ”Cry it out” (pure extinction without consolation): This is the most extreme variants of sleep training and involves putting the child down and then not going back in, regardless of crying, until the child falls asleep on their own. In Swedish, it is sometimes said that you let the child ”cry themselves to sleep”. While this method can have a quick effect for some, it is very emotionally demanding for most parents and is often controversial. It is important that all the baby's needs are met (fed, dry nappy, not sick) before leaving. Some parents find that without parent's presence, the child paradoxically calms down faster - but for other children it increases stress. Studies have not shown any long-term damage from this method either, but many people prefer gentler approaches that involve checking on the child at regular intervals.

• Fading (gradual extinction): Fading means that you gradually phasing out the help the child receives when falling asleep. This method is kinder and slower compared to Ferber. For example, you can start by changing a habit: if the baby always falls asleep when breastfeeding, try to start rocking the baby to sleep instead; then you switch to just holding the baby until it falls asleep; then you put the baby down awake but with one hand on him/her until sleep, and so on. Step by step, you reduce your physical support. The fading method can take several weeks, but many people find that it involves very little crying because the changes are gradual. You adjust the pace according to the child's signals - if it goes too fast and the child becomes too sad, you take a step back. The important thing is to keep moving towards the goal of the child falling asleep more independently.

• Camping out (stay put method): This method is based on the parent is present in the room but without actively putting the baby to sleep. You “camp” next to the crib at first, perhaps sitting on a chair, so the baby feels safe in your presence. Each night/week, you move your “campsite” a little further away from the bed - from right next to it, to a little further away, to by the door, and finally outside the room. In the meantime, the idea is that the child learns to fall asleep in their own bed but with some security of seeing/hearing the parent. You respond at a minimal level when the child seeks contact: e.g. say “shhh, sleep tight” from the chair but avoid picking the child up. The camping out method may suit children who get very upset when left alone, as it does not involve abrupt separation. The disadvantage may be that it takes longer for the child to get used to falling asleep completely without the parent's physical presence.

• Pick-Up/Put-Down (PU/PD): This is another gentle method (popularised by Tracy Hogg, “Baby Whisperer”). It involves laying the baby down in bed awake; if the baby cries loudly, you pick them up and comfort them until they calm down, then you put it down again. This is repeated until the child falls asleep. PU/PD requires patience - there may be a lot of lifting the first few nights. But the baby should never be inconsolable for long, while gradually getting used to falling asleep in bed (as you put them down again and again when they are calm). This method can work well for very young babies (4-7 months) where you don't want to leave them crying at all, but you still want to train them to sleep in their own bed.

There are more variants and hybrid methods, but the above are the most talked about. Whatever the method, the consistency and time concentration Important - once you have decided to try a method, try to stick to it for a few nights in a row. If you mix it up too much (for example, some nights you give up and take the baby to bed), it can be confusing for the baby and the training will take longer. However, it is possible to start gently with one method and switch to another if the first one doesn't feel good - the main thing is that the child eventually gets to practise falling asleep on their own.

Which method is best for sleep training?

A natural question is whether any sleep method is “best” or most successful. According to available research, there are no single method is by far the best for all families. A major review of 52 scientific studies on different sleep training methods found that almost all methods led to improved child sleep, with no one method standing out as clearly better than the others. The important thing seems to be that you follow a consistent strategy, rather than exactly which one.

Several studies - including a randomised trial comparing both graduated extinction (Ferber-like method) and bedtime fading shows that both strategies helped children sleep better and reduced night wakings, with no long-term negative effects on children's stress levels or relationships with parents. A follow-up five years after sleep training found no differences in emotional development or attachment between sleep-trained and non-sleep-trained children. In other words, if sleep training is implemented in a loving way, the child is not harmed - but neither is it a miracle cure that must be done for each child.

Rather, it seems that the best method is the one that parents are able to implement consistently and which is suitable for their child. If parents are comfortable with a more gradual, cry-free approach (such as fading or camping out), they are more likely to persevere until results come, compared to trying something that feels wrong to them. On the other hand, a more intensive approach such as the Ferber method can produce faster results, which may suit a family under a lot of pressure from sleep deprivation - as long as you feel okay with listening to some protests from the child for a short period.

An important factor is also the child's temperament. Some babies actually get more upset by a parent coming and going (then a variant of cry it out work better, as long as you are sure that the baby is only crying from tiredness). Other babies have a strong need for closeness and a method where the parent stays in the room may be more successful.

In conclusion, the science shows that sleep training is generally effective to improve night-time sleep and that it does not harm the child in the long term. However, there is no universal “best in test” methodology the best sleep method is the one that works for you, that you can implement with confidence and consistency. Sometimes it may take some experimentation to find the right balance between comforting and giving the child space. Whatever the method, remember that it's okay to stop if it doesn't feel good or doesn't produce results within a reasonable time. You can always try again later or try a different method. With love, patience and clear routines, most children will sooner or later learn to fall asleep on their own and sleep in their own bed - and that's a good thing. sleep training is just one way to help them along the way.